Beyond Presents: The Gift No One's Asking For

Last weekend I was at my cousin's funeral. It was one of the most beautiful services and tributes I've ever been to. Yes, it was overwhelming and sad, but it was also deeply happy and humble - the kind of sendoff I wish for all of us when we leave this place. But that kind of farewell only comes from the life we live while we're here.

The pastor, who traveled all the way from Louisiana because of the impact my cousin had made at their church in New Orleans, said something that stuck with me:

"People need you when they need you, and it might not be convenient."

Wow. Is that ever true.

We're heading into what's called the "giving season" - Thanksgiving coming up, then straight into Christmas. Everyone gets focused on gifts, consuming, buying, spending. So much food, alcohol, entertainment. Taking in, taking in, taking in.

But here's the thing: the giving season should be about forward motion, not receiving motion. The receiving part actually happens in the giving.

I saw this so clearly at the funeral. Hundreds of people came from all over - across the country, from Mexico, from Canada. My cousin got this beautiful sendoff for one reason: he was there when people needed him. And it definitely wasn't convenient.

He was an FBI agent working some of the toughest cases imaginable - child trafficking. His work took him around the world dealing with horrific situations. In a twist that shows how life comes full circle, one of his ICU nurses in his final days recognized him as the agent who had recovered her niece in Houston. Of course, she did everything she could for someone who was clearly taking his last breaths.

The thing is, most of his cases weren't even in Houston. That's what makes this so powerful. Even when he was leaving this world, the ripples of his inconvenient choices - the times he showed up when it wasn't easy - were still creating impact.

The inconvenient truth is that what people really need probably isn't found in any store. We get caught up trying to show love through things we can wrap and put under a tree, but that's not what sticks with people.

Think about it - have you ever heard a grown person say "My childhood was ruined because I didn't get that one toy I wanted"? But how many of us carry the weight of the times someone wasn't there when we really needed them?

This has me reflecting on how we celebrate in my home. We don't do Thanksgiving or Christmas - not because we're against joy or tradition, but because we've chosen to create our own way. We celebrate birthdays, mark New Year's Eve, and create special moments that matter to us. Most importantly, we give when giving is needed, not when a calendar tells us to.

Here's something else I've been turning over in my mind: The people who give the most often receive the least attention. You know who I'm talking about - those friends who always show up, who drop everything when you're in crisis, who listen without judgment. We assume they're fine because they're strong. We think they don't need anything because they never ask.

But they do need something. They need us to see them. To check in. To show up for them the way they show up for everyone else.

Even if they say "I don't need anything" - and they'll usually say exactly that - they'll appreciate being acknowledged more than you know. Sometimes just a message saying "I see how much you give, and it matters" can mean everything.

Truth is, my cousin showed this kind of giving right up until his final moments. I'm told he left with incredible dignity - calling up his siblings, speaking with his mother, surrounded by his wife and children. Even in his last breaths, he was thinking about others.

That's the thing about real giving - it's not about the moments that are convenient for us. My cousin missed holidays with his own family because somewhere in the world, a child needed to be brought home. His wife understood. When people need you, they need you. Not when it fits your schedule.

It's got me thinking about how we can honor this idea of showing up when it matters. Sure, you might want to give someone a gift because it feels good for you. But is that what they really need? Maybe the inconvenient thing is to dig deeper and figure out what would truly make a difference in their life.

Some of you know what I'm talking about because you've called on me in hours of need. I do my best to drop whatever I can when people need a listening ear or guidance. Is it convenient? Usually not. I've got my own life happening, children I'm raising, family I'm part of. But I'm also part of this bigger human family, and those connections matter most.

I had someone ask me recently, "But don't you miss out on the holiday spirit?" Here's what I've learned: When you give from a real place, when you show up for people in the moments they'll remember years later, you don't need a special season to feel that spirit. You live it.

This isn't about making anyone feel bad about their holiday celebrations. It's about asking ourselves some honest questions about how we show up for each other. About looking at the givers in our lives and making sure we're giving back to them too.

You know what's funny and all too common? Sometimes it takes a funeral to remind us how to live. Watching hundreds of people show up for my cousin, hearing their stories, seeing the nurse whose family he'd helped - it hit different. Every person there was living proof that the inconvenient moments, the times when he could have said "not now," those were actually the most important moments of all.

Here's something to think about as we head into this "season of giving": Look around at your people. Who are the ones who always show up for everyone else? Maybe it's your sister who drops everything when there's a family crisis. Or that friend who somehow always knows when you're having a rough day. The neighbor who never forgets to check on the elderly couple next door.

These people - they're not going to ask for anything. They probably won't put up a wish list or drop hints about what they want for the holidays. But they need to be seen. They need to know that someone's paying attention to them too.

So yeah, while everyone else is making their holiday shopping lists, maybe we could make a different kind of list. A list of the givers in our lives who need some giving back. A list of the people who've shown up for us when it wasn't convenient.

Because here's what I know for sure:

At the end, it won't be the perfectly wrapped presents people remember. It'll be the time you picked up the phone at 2 AM. The day you rearranged everything to be there. The moment you saw someone needed you and you just showed up.

That's the kind of giving that changes lives. That's the kind of giving worth celebrating.

And to all you givers out there - the ones who never ask for anything in return - I see you. We see you. You matter more than you know.

Listen, I know this might not be the cheerful holiday message some people are looking for. But maybe that's exactly why it needs to be said.

As I head home from that funeral, I'm carrying something bigger than grief. I'm carrying a reminder of what matters. We've all got it in us to be there when it counts. To show up when it's not convenient. To give in ways that no store can package.

And if you're one of those people who's always giving, always showing up, always making the inconvenient choice to be there for others - do me a favor? Let someone show up for you too. You don't have to always be the strong one. You don't have to pretend you never need anything.

The real spirit of giving isn't about one season or one day. It's about all the small moments that add up to a life worth celebrating at the end.

Check on your people. Especially the strong ones.

And remember - people need you when they need you, not when it's convenient.

That's the kind of giving I'm choosing this season. How about you?

With purpose, Azizi

P.S. To all of you who show up when it matters - thank you. You're the ones making the real difference, not just during the holidays, but every single day.