The big misunderstanding with parenting

"One of the most common yet annoying comments I get from parents when they learn we homeschool—even more than 'But how will they socialize?'—is 'Oh, that seems like a lot of work!'

Work, work, work. This might surprise you, but here it is: Parenting is not a job.

Now, before you start objecting, I’m not saying parenting doesn’t require work—it absolutely does, and it should.

But seeing it as a job, is why it feels so overwhelming, unappealing, and like a never-ending series of tasks.

Think about it. When was the last time you heard someone excitedly say, 'I can’t wait to grow up so I can land a job and say I’m just doing my job'?

Ever heard of a CEO in the context of family life? Let me explain why it’s time for parents to stop acting like employees and start embracing the role of CEO of your family."

But I'm not talking about a Chief Executive Officer. I have a different take on what "CEO" stands for in a family, and I'll reveal that soon.

First, here’s what we’ll cover in this quick read:

1. Reimagining Your Parental Role: Discover how seeing yourself as more than just a task manager and damage “controller” will drastically change your family life.

2. Leadership at Home: Learn why leading, rather than just managing, will inspire and motivate your entire family.

3. Step-by-Step Leadership Strategies: Get ready for seven practical ways to elevate how you lead at home, ensuring that everyone’s not just coping but thriving.

Let’s explore a new side of leadership in family life.

Let’s dive in!

The mindset of a CEO from an employee:

1. Taking Charge vs. Just Doing Tasks:

   • Employee: Just does what they’re told, focusing on their own little part.

   • CEO: Owns the whole picture, caring about everything from big wins to small details.

2. Making Moves vs. Waiting Around:

   • Employee: Waits to be told what to do next, reacting only when needed.

   • CEO: Thinks ahead, plans for the future, and acts on it before anyone has to ask.

3. Dreaming Big vs. Checking Boxes:

   • Employee: Works through the to-do list, aiming to finish tasks.

   • CEO: Sets goals that excite and inspire, pushing beyond the everyday.

4. Handling Risks vs. Avoiding Them:

   • Employee: Stays safe to avoid trouble, sticking to what they know.

   • CEO: Takes smart risks, knowing that’s how you grow and get better.

5. Creating vs. Following:

   • Employee: Follows the playbook, sticking to the tried and true.

   • CEO: Mixes things up, tries new ideas, and innovates to find better ways.

6. Team Success vs. Flying Solo:

   • Employee: Looks out for their own success and getting ahead.

   • CEO: Puts the team’s win first, knowing that when the team succeeds, everyone does.

7. Planning for Tomorrow vs. Living for Today:

   • Employee: Focuses on this week’s or this month’s goals.

   • CEO: Thinks about where they want to be years down the line and maps out how to get there.

The CEO of Home

We’ve been groomed to see parenting as just a job about ticking off tasks from a never-ending list. Well if parenting were a job, it’d be less about mindlessly stamping widgets on a factory line and more about being the CEO of a bustling startup.

Reimagining the Role: Imagine for a second that you’re not just a parent, but the CEO of your household. A CEO doesn’t just execute tasks—they strategize, innovate, and lead. They’re not drowning in the humdrum; they’re crafting a vision for their company—or in this case, their family.

The Task Trap: It’s easy to fall into the trap of seeing daily parenting duties—making meals, washing clothes, shuttling kids to activities—as just items to check off your to-do list. But if that’s all there is to parenting, then we might as well be robots programmed to perform tasks.

It’s no wonder so many are afraid of AI taking over their “job” these days.

Redefining the CEO: In the business world, a CEO steers the ship, setting the course for the entire company. Now, think of your home life in similar terms, but as the Chief Empowerment Officer (like my twist on CEO?) of your household, you're not ticking off tasks; you're leading your family towards shared and personal dreams.

And no, this isn't about transforming your living room into a corporate office; it's about creating a space where everyone, from the youngest to your partner, feels they have a real stake in the wonderful venture called family life. They're not just marking time; they're actively shaping your family’s journey.

Setting the Scene for Family Engagement:

A simple way to do this is with regular family meetings. And not some formal or stiff affairs that nobody looks forward to. I love to have our family meetings casually, like over brunch at a favorite restaurant. A relaxed setting helps everyone feel more at ease and open to sharing. These meetings are a chance to align on goals, celebrate successes, and connect without the distractions of all the “stuff”.

Redefining Home as a Hub of Active Participation::

When people say that having family meetings sounds too strict or business-like, it’s coming from that old program of the "employee" mindset, where home is seen as a place to unwind, not engage.

Your family deserves more than your leftover energy.

Nowadays homes are used as rest stops—a place to recharge before heading back to the “main events” (school, work, partying). From this view, any additional "work" at home, like planning and engaging with family, is too demanding or like a chore.

It’s not that you don’t care, but after a long day of investing your time and energy into somebody else’s mission, you won’t have the enthusiasm for your own family’s mission. This goes for kids busy all day doing things that don’t include family participation.

Understanding the Mission:

So what’s Your Family's Mission? 

Have you thought about this?

What are your core values?

If you don’t know YOUR core values then you can’t successfully drive your family mission. You just can’t.

Redefining the CEO: In the business world, a CEO sets the direction and tone for the company. At home, as the Chief Empowerment Officer, your role shifts from just executing tasks to empowering and leading your family toward collective and individual goals for collective and individual success.

Employee vs. Chief Empowerment Officer:

• Task Execution vs. Vision Setting:
  Employee: Follows the checklist.
  CEO: Creates a vision for the family’s future.

• Obeying Orders vs. Strategizing:
  Employee: Waits for instructions.
  CEO: Proactively sets strategies that align with family values and goals.

• Punching the Clock vs. Inspiring Growth:
  Employee: Watches the clock until the shift ends.
  CEO: Inspires each family member to grow, learn, and take initiative.

• Passive Participation vs. Active Leadership:
  Employee: Does the bare minimum required.
  CEO: Actively seeks opportunities for the family to bond, learn, and succeed together.

• Reactive vs. Proactive:
  Employee: Reacts to problems as they come.
  CEO: Anticipates challenges and prepares the family to handle them.

Being the Chief Empowerment Officer of your family isn't about controlling every outcome. It's about creating a home environment where everyone feels supported to take initiative and make decisions. This way, you're not just managing a household; you're leading a vibrant, thriving family unit.

Ultimately, your goal is to create future CEOs—that is, to enable your child to become the CEO of their own life.

1. Empower, Don't Control: Ever had a boss who micromanages everything? It’s the worst, right? Instead, be the kind of parent who supports and trusts, showing your kids you believe they can handle things on their own.

2. Lead, Don't Manage: Think about those bosses who just dole out tasks. Now, think about those who actually inspire you. That’s the vibe to bring to your family life—encourage, inspire, and celebrate together.

3. Future CEOs: Let your kids take on responsibilities that help them see their worth. It’s like prepping them to run their own shows someday, showing them they're more than capable right from the start.

We weren't taught to be CEOs, whether "executive" or "empowerment" officers, for a reason. Factories need people who follow orders, not make demands. This isn’t an attack on factory workers; it’s just the reality of how many institutions operate, whether they are offices or other environments.

If you want people to sit down, do as they're told for over 65 years, then you don’t teach them to take initiative. You create a society where it feels overwhelming to make "too many" decisions, where it’s easier to outsource thinking and simply obey.

You might hear this and think I’m some anarchist who believes people should never follow "rules" or be orderly. That's not it. We need guidelines, rules, and boundaries.

Jobs are beneficial for many people at various stages of their lives.

Now if you approach every job with a CEO mentality, you’ll never spend a day feeling disempowered or incapable of achieving the life you want.

Remember, many CEOs were employees who stood out as leaders. Their companies made them a deal to keep them from leaving and potentially starting a rival business.

Starting with yourself:

• Initiative Over Obedience: Promote initiative, not obedience.

• Leadership Everywhere: Apply a CEO mindset to any role.

You are an asset to your family. Running a family is not an obligation; it's an honor.

But because most of us were treated more like burdens to be managed and kept alive until we were no longer the responsibility of an adult, it's challenging to resist that mentality when you become a parent.

• Shift Your Mindset: View family leadership as an honor, not a burden.

• Take Ownership: Embrace your role; don't wait for someone else to define it.

This mindset has been imposed on nearly all of us. It’s not our fault, but it is our problem to solve.

The Hidden Cost of 'Hands-Off' Parenting:

It might feel easier and more “manageable” to have less responsibility, to let someone else handle the big things—your child’s education, health, and future potential. But then, should we really be surprised when our kids grow up, leave home, and only return for those “mandatory” holidays?

How many of us have genuine, deep connections with our parents after a childhood like that?

Not many. For most, both parenting and childhood felt like temporary roles—passing stages rather than lifelong relationships.

If your childhood home wasn't a place that nurtured you, why would you eagerly return once you're not required to?

Choosing to be More Than Just a Caretaker:

I didn’t have children to populate the workforce or tick off societal checkboxes. Honestly, my reasons were selfish. I wanted to raise individuals who I would enjoy being around, who I could watch grow, thrive, and ultimately contribute something uniquely human to the world—something well beyond what any automaton could offer.

Perhaps, in a roundabout way, this is my noble contribution.

Reflecting on the Implications:

If parents are expected to merely foot the bills and shepherd a young stranger through their home, it’s no wonder some might reconsider the value of investing in a family.

• Marriage rates are declining.

• Fewer capable couples and singles are choosing to have children.

• The perceived burdens, responsibilities, and costs of parenting are increasingly daunting.

Why might this be happening? Could it be because of the perception of parenting as a burdensome responsibility rather than a rewarding investment?

Many of us have memories of how our own upbringing made us feel—detached, managed, or mere obligations.

What’s at Stake:

Without a shift in how we view and approach parenting—from a task-oriented chore to a dynamic, enriching leadership role—future generations will continue to distance themselves not just from their parents, but from the concept of family itself.

The people shying away from parenting are often those who would make great parents because they understand the drawbacks of entering family life feeling burdened and how that will affect them and their children. I respect and even applaud this.

We don't need more people on the planet just for the sake of maintaining the human population. But it's too bad that they can't see the benefits of parenting because they felt like burdens as children and fear that obligations will hold them back from personal goals. If only they knew that this is just an illusion.

Here’s how you can bring us back home:

1. Define Your Family’s Mission: Think of this as your family’s heart and soul. What values do you cherish? Kindness, curiosity, resilience? It’s not about rigid rules, it’s about what you want your home to feel like. For example, if adventure is part of your mission, prioritize family outings and exploring new experiences together.

2. Set Clear Goals: This is about setting visions that excite everyone. Maybe it’s working together on a family garden project or setting a reading challenge everyone can contribute to. It’s less about hitting numbers and more about creating memories and learning together.

3. Delegate Smartly: In a family cooperative, every member has unique strengths. Maybe your daughter loves to organize—she could help plan activities. Or perhaps your son is a whiz with numbers; he might enjoy managing a small budget for family outings. This way, everyone feels involved and valued.

4. Foster Team Spirit: Encourage siblings to support each other’s goals and challenges, whether it’s a school project or a personal hobby. Celebrate their teamwork as much as individual achievements, showing that everyone’s contribution matters.

5. Hold Regular Meetings: Use family meetings not just for logistics but as a time to connect emotionally. Discuss what’s going well, what everyone’s excited about, and where you might need more support. Make it a safe space for everyone to express themselves openly.

6. Encourage Innovation: Let your children come up with creative solutions to their problems or challenges within the home. Whether it’s figuring out how to store toys better or coming up with a fun weekend plan, encourage them to think outside the box.

7. Celebrate Successes: Make a big deal about the milestones, both big and small. Finished a difficult puzzle together? Celebrate it! Improved grades or mastered a new skill? Make it a family celebration. This shows that progress in any form is valued and worth celebrating.

This isn't about making family life feel like a corporation, but more of a cooperation. So don't look at this as a chore; view it as an opportunity where everyone can grow and thrive.

I'll admit, I really grew up because of parenting. Suddenly realizing that I was responsible TO someone meant I had to be more responsible FOR my own actions. These actions were driven by my mindset, shaped by the habits, environment, and programming I received from childhood onward.

It kind of scared me when I realized that all the major personality traits and thoughts influencing my life were formed in my childhood and strengthened through interactions as I grew into adulthood.

Of course, I wish I had understood this earlier.

As a CEO parent, you get to use your home to practice and progress, not just for your children but for yourself. Letting your children see what it's like to CEO yourself alongside CEOing your family.

By the way, this isn’t some pitch for you to homeschool. This responsibility is yours, even if your children go to school.

You are still the CEO; you must pay closer attention and not just leave it in someone else's hands.

I remember during the world shutdown of 2020-2022, many parents discovered just how little their children were learning in school. Never mind the many parents who felt like "throwing in the towel" during the first week of “school” at home.

Many were shocked and even angry. It shouldn't be a shock; it should be a sure thing to know what is going on in your child's education—or any major aspect of their lives—while they live under your roof.

So don't get angry, just get in command.

Command doesn't mean controlling everything; it's like being a captain of a ship. You know your domain and understand everyone's role on your ship.

You can't predict the waters, but you can learn how to navigate them better and teach your children to do the same.

As the Chief Empowerment Officer of your family, you get to guide and inspire, creating an environment where every member, including yourself, can thrive.

Every small step you take in nurturing this environment helps create a home filled with growth, respect, and mutual support.

Be a proactive leader, not a passive manager.

Redefine what it means to be a parent today and watch as your family transforms into an amazing team ready to support and uplift each other in every adventure.