The problem with boredom

• A 2020 survey by OnePoll found that 76% of adults wish they had been more curious as children, with 65% saying they would have learned more if they had asked more questions.

• The same survey revealed that 7 in 10 adults regret not pursuing their childhood passions or interests into adulthood.

I was thinking about how much a baby has to learn and grow, and how dangerous it is for beings to come in knowing next to nothing and needing so much care. I asked myself: What if this is what it means to be human?

Humans wouldn't have anything to worry about with AI if we remember that being human is really about growth, obstacles, and challenges. It's about overcoming those. How do we overcome those?

If a baby came in already knowing how to walk and talk, that might make parenting easy, but also empty. We're not animals whose babies can just get up and walk off. Humans, and a big part of being human, is making connections.

The Power of "What If"

For humans, we're not here to have it all figured out. We came in with a basket of loose materials that we've manipulated into the magical world we see. We're here to detangle the world and put it back together in a way that makes sense for us.

In order to do that, we need periods where we can go deeper into the "what if I do this, what if I do that." Children start off with this question of "why" because they're really just trying to figure out somebody else's "what if."

When kids are young, they see infinite possibilities. They're not bogged down by what's "logical" or "safe" or "been done before." They're constantly learning, adapting, trying new things.

Think about it - a baby learning to crawl is essentially asking, "What if I move my hand this way? What if I push with my legs like that?" They're natural scientists, experimenting their way through life.

This is the essence of being human:

• Growth Through Challenge: Overcoming obstacles is how we develop our uniquely human qualities.

• Adaptability: Learning from scratch allows us to adapt to any environment.

• The Joy of Discovery: The process of learning itself brings fulfillment and purpose.

Remember, adaptability is one of the most crucial skills our kids can develop. And it's something they're born with! Babies come into this world knowing absolutely nothing about how the world works, yet they figure it out and add their spin on things if this natural ability is nurtured and not suppressed.

Alarming Statistics on Childhood Boredom and Depression:

• According to a 2019 Pew Research Center survey, 13% of U.S. teens reported experiencing depression, with rates higher among girls (20%) than boys (7%).

• A 2021 study in the Journal of Pediatrics found that children who reported being "often bored" were 2.5 times more likely to develop symptoms of depression and anxiety.

Boredom: The Misunderstood Signal

Let's talk about the B-word: Boredom.

Recently, a mother confided in me about her 10 and 12-year-old boys. "They seem to have lost their spark," she said. "School feels like a chore, and they don't have any real interests anymore."

If this resonates with you, you're not alone. But this isn't just about kids being kids - it's a red flag we need to pay attention to.

Contrary to popular belief, boredom itself isn't the enemy. In fact, it can be a fantastic springboard for creativity. The real danger comes when chronic boredom leads to a loss of that "what if" mindset.

The idea of boredom being a main thing in a world where we have so much is partly because social media doesn't show how a person got to their success. They don't show that person's "what if." Most of the time, they're showing the after.

Let's dig deeper into what boredom really means:

• Boredom is Information: It's your child's inner voice saying, "What I'm doing doesn't light me up."

• It's an Opportunity: Boredom can be the birthplace of creativity and self-discovery.

• But It's Also a Warning: Chronic boredom can lead to a deeper despondency about life itself.

Here's the tricky part: We shouldn't rush to "cure" our kids' boredom by constantly entertaining them. If we're always filling their time, they never learn how to spark their own curiosity or entertain themselves.

The Real Danger: Loss of Human Essence

In our AI-driven world, being "more human" is becoming our greatest asset. Yet, ironically, we're raising a generation at risk of becoming "automated humans" - individuals who've lost touch with their innate curiosity and zest for life.

Why This Matters Now More Than Ever:

• AI can replicate knowledge, but it can't replicate human creativity and passion.

• The future belongs to those who can continuously learn, adapt, and create.

• A bored child today will become an adult lacking the mindset to thrive in tomorrow's world.

The School Dilemma: Lagging Behind in a Fast-Moving World

While the world is racing forward, most schools are stuck in the past, focusing on outdated curricula and teaching irrelevant things. Here's why this is a problem:

• Disconnect from Real-World Skills: Schools prioritize rote memorization over critical thinking and creativity.

• Lack of Personalization: One-size-fits-all education often fails to ignite individual passions.

• Outdated Technology Integration: Many schools are far behind in effectively using technology.

• Focus on Standardized Testing: This often comes at the expense of fostering curiosity.

• Limited Emphasis on Emotional Intelligence and Social Skills: These "soft skills" are increasingly important.

As parents, we need to seriously reconsider the value of traditional schooling and its impact on our children's future.

The Slow Fade of a Child's Natural Curiosity

There this quote from Maria Montessori:

"The greatest sign of success for a teacher... is to be able to say, 'The children are now working as if I did not exist.'"

And isn't that exactly how kids are naturally? Curious, engaged, always wanting to figure things out on their own?

So when we see a kid who's chronically bored, it's not just a phase or them being difficult. It's like a big flashing sign that something's off. Because, let's face it, for a kid to get to that point of being constantly bored, a lot has to happen. It's not an overnight thing.

Think about it this way:

• They've Lost Their Sense of Control: Kids come into this world ready to explore, to learn. But if they keep feeling like they don't have any say in what they're doing or learning, that fire starts to die out.

• They've Disconnected from What They Love: Every kid has things they're naturally drawn to, things that light them up. Chronic boredom? That's often a sign they've lost touch with those passions.

• They're Overwhelmed and Shutting Down: We live in a world with so much going on, so much information. Sometimes, instead of being excited by all the possibilities, kids just... shut down. And we call it boredom.

• They're Not Being Challenged the Right Way: Kids need challenges, but they need the right kind. Too easy? They get bored. Too hard? They get frustrated and... yep, bored.

• They Don't See the Point: When kids can't see why what they're doing matters, they check out. They need to see how things connect to their lives, you know?

I remember another psychologist, Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi (try saying that five times fast!), talking about how our best moments aren't when we're just chilling. They're when we're pushing ourselves to do something tough but worthwhile. And isn't that what we want for our kids?

When we see our kids chronically bored, it's not about finding more ways to entertain them. It's about figuring out how to light that spark again.

How do we create spaces where they feel like they can ask questions, chase answers, and really dive into what they love?

Because at the end of the day, that's not just about fighting boredom. It's about raising kids who are engaged, who can roll with the punches, and who are ready to take on whatever the world throws at them. And let's be honest, with the way things are going, that's exactly what they're going to need.

Bring bits of the Waldorf philosophy in your home

This week I talked with a few friends whose children go to Waldorf schools under Rudolf Steiner's approach to child development, and he's speaking directly to what I've been talking about.

Now I have mixed thoughts on the schools as a whole, but I do enjoy several aspects, and you might want to add them to your home.

You don't need to ship your kids off to a special school to benefit from these ideas. We can bring this magic right into our homes.

Let's break it down:

Wonder is the Secret Sauce Steiner was big on cultivating a sense of wonder in kids. He saw it as crucial for healthy emotional and intellectual growth. And doesn't that make sense?

When a child is filled with wonder:

• They're naturally curious, naturally engaged.

• They're not sitting around bored.

• They're exploring, questioning, imagining.

That's the spark we want to keep alive!

Rhythm is Your Friend Now, this one's interesting. Steiner believed in the power of daily and weekly rhythms. It's not about rigid schedules, but more like a comforting flow to the day and week.

Think about it:

• When kids know what to expect, they feel secure.

• When they feel secure, they're more likely to leave their comfort zones.

• They want to try new things, to ask "what if?"

Head, Heart, and Hands Steiner was all about nurturing the whole child - not just their brain, but their emotions and their physical skills too. This is what he called nurturing the head, heart, and hands. It's about balancing intellectual learning with creativity and practical skills. So next time your kid wants to help you cook or build that flat-pack desk, don't dismiss them because you know it will take you longer (maybe much longer). Remember - that's not just a home task to get over with, that's holistic development in action!

Let Them Play! Here's a big one - Steiner was a huge advocate for free, unstructured play. Not the kind where we're directing every move, but the kind where kids are left to their own devices (and I don't mean electronic ones!). This kind of play is gold for developing imagination, social skills, and problem-solving abilities. It's where the magic happens!

You might be thinking, "This all sounds great, but I'm not a trained Waldorf teacher." You don't need to be. These aren't complicated techniques that need special training; they just need presence and intentionality.

Remember, every time you ask "what if" with your child, you're creating an environment where boredom doesn't stand a chance, because there's always something to wonder about, always something to explore.

When Boredom Becomes Dangerous

When a child becomes chronically bored:

• They stop seeking challenges

• Their natural curiosity dims

• The joy of discovery fades

• Their potential for growth stagnates

Remember: What doesn't grow, decays. This applies to skills, interests, and even our zest for life.

Rekindling the Spark: Practical Steps

So, how do we nurture this natural adaptability and curiosity? Here are some ideas:

1. Embrace the "What If" • Bounce questions back to your child: "I don't know, what do you think?" • Encourage wild ideas and hypothetical scenarios.

2. Create Space for Boredom • It's okay for kids to be bored sometimes. Creativity often strikes in these moments. • Resist the urge to always provide entertainment.

3. Model Curiosity • Share your own "what if" moments with your kids. • Let them see you learning, trying new things, and sometimes failing.

4. Turn Challenges into Adventures • When something doesn't go as planned, ask "What if we tried it this way instead?" • Reframe obstacles as opportunities for creative problem-solving.

5. Celebrate the Process • Praise effort, creative thinking, and willingness to try. • Encourage risk-taking and view failures as learning opportunities.

6. Limit Passive Entertainment • Set boundaries on TV and video games. • Replace some screen time with interactive, creative activities.

7. Cultivate Curiosity • Ask open-ended questions about the world. • Encourage them to question everything, even the obvious.

Th Real Birth of Tiny Green Chef

A few years ago, when we were living in Guatemala, my oldest daughter Kaja came to me with an idea. We'd been traveling the world, homeschooling, and had recently switched to a fully plant-based diet. Kaja noticed that some of our friends and family back home were a bit... let's say, confused about our lifestyle.

"Mom," she said, "what if we made a mommy-daughter cooking class video to send to everyone? Then they'd see we're eating good food and they wouldn't have to worry!"

Now, I could've just said, "That's a nice idea" and gone about my day. But I try to keep my kids' minds open to possibilities. Instead of always asking "why," we love to ask "what if?"

So we started writing this cooking class together. And as we worked, I realized we had stumbled onto something bigger. What started as a simple idea to connect with loved ones turned into Tiny Green Chef - a program that's now inspiring thousands of families to explore plant-based cooking together.

And yes, Kaja and Kamilla earn residual income from Kaja's "what if" that sparked my "what if" to create Tiny Green Chef. A bonus in so many ways.

All because we let a child's imagination run wild with "what if."

How do they get to do that when they're sitting being told what to do all the time? Of course, that will lead to boredom. And really, it's not boredom - it looks like boredom, but really it's just a child who feels disheartened and disconnected from the world.

We want them to experiment with "what ifs" in their minds.

We want them to feel the freedom to do these types of things that will grow them and grow our world.

As I was sitting there thinking about why a baby comes so helpless, I realized it's as much for them as it is for us. Because so many of us really grow up in parenthood. As we're now looking down at our babies that need so much of us, that sort of thing pulls you out of autopilot if you're really paying attention. And if we're really up for the task, we get to grow and evolve and thrive. We have to then learn to crawl before we can learn to walk and run as parents.

Key Takeaways:

• Embrace the "what if" mindset in your family

• See boredom as a signal, not a normal state

• Encourage questions and exploration

• Remember that struggle and growth are inherently human

In the end, our children's vulnerability is a gift. It's an invitation for us to grow, to connect, and to rediscover the wonder of being human. So next time you're faced with a challenging parenting moment, ask yourself: "What if this is exactly what I need to thrive?"