Danger: The Best Parenting Teacher?

You know, it's funny how life works sometimes. Here I am, packing my bags for a trip back to the States after being away for over 5 years. And it's not just any trip - I'm heading back to New York City, the place where I grew up.

It's got me thinking about how much we change without even realizing it. You don't see it day to day, but then something like this comes along - a trip back “home” - and suddenly you're face to face with who you used to be.

New York City... wow, that place taught me so much. Not always in the nicest ways, mind you. I've got stories that would make you probably never want to visit for an hour, let alone live there.

But those tough times, those scary moments - they shaped me.

I remember this one time when I was about 12... Let me tell you, it was an experience that could have gone two very different ways. It could have made me scared of the world, or it could have taught me to embrace life fully.

Guess which path I chose?

As I'm getting ready for this trip, I'm realizing how much these experiences have influenced not just me, but how I raise my kids, how I view education, how I approach life's challenges.

Because we're all shaped by our experiences. The question is, what do we do with them? How do we use them to become better parents, better people? That's what I want to explore with you today.

New York City in the early '90s wasn't exactly the shiny tourist destination it is today. It was rough, real, and raw - especially for a kid growing up in a neighborhood that wasn't exactly Sesame Street.

I remember this one night when I was about 12. My grandmother sent me and my two younger sisters out after dark to run an errand. So there we were, three girls walking back to our building, feeling all grown up. I reached for the door handle, and bam - there's a man on the other side, pointing a gun right at my face through the glass. In that split second, my heart nearly jumped out of my chest. I screamed at my sisters to run, and we bolted across the street faster than an Olympic medalist.

Now, here's the interesting bit- I never told my grandmother about it.

Why?

Because I didn't want to lose the privilege of going out after dark. Can you believe that?

Looking back, I realize that moment was pivotal. It could've made me terrified of the world, but instead, it lit a fire in me. A determination to really live, not just exist.

But wait, there's more. Not even a year later, I had another run-in with danger, this time inside my building. I found myself successfully fighting off a predator with a broken stick from my laundry cart. Yeah, you read that right. Laundry day turned into self-defense class real quick.

Now, I know what you might be thinking. "Azizi, these stories are terrifying!" And you're right, they are. But these experiences, as scary as they were, became my teachers. They taught me resilience, quick thinking, and most importantly, they showed me that I had a choice in how I viewed the world.

I could have used these incidents as evidence that the world was a scary, dangerous place where I should always be on guard. Many people would, and honestly, who could blame them?

But something in me chose a different path.

And you know what? That decision has colored every aspect of my life since then - especially how I parent. It's why I believe in preparing our kids for the world, not by sheltering them, but by teaching them to be resilient, to think on their feet, to see challenges as opportunities for growth.

Finding Evidence: A Life-Changing Mindset

Life is funny. We're all detectives in our own stories, constantly looking for clues about how the world works and how we fit into it. I call these clues "evidence," and the evidence we choose to focus on can make or break us.

Evidence: The experiences, observations, and information we use to form our beliefs and make decisions.

Key point: We all have evidence. The question is, what evidence are we choosing to pay attention to?

Think about it like this:

1. Every experience is a piece of evidence.

2. We get to decide what that evidence means.

3. Our interpretation of that evidence shapes our future actions.

Now, where it gets interesting is how two people can go through the exact same experience and come out with completely different lessons.

My encounters with danger in NYC

• Interpretation A: The world is a dangerous place. I should be afraid and stay home.

• Interpretation B: I'm strong and capable of handling tough situations. The world has challenges, but I can face them.

The evidence we choose to focus on? It's like selecting a destination on GPS. It determines where we end up in life.

My choice: I chose to see my NYC experiences as evidence of my resilience. Result: It led me to embrace challenges, travel the world, and approach parenting with confidence.

You know how they say travel broadens the mind? Well, in my case, it didn't just broaden it - it completely rewired it.

My first big adventure was heading upstate for college. It was there that I made a "startling" discovery - I had an accent! Can you believe it? All those years in NYC, and I never realized it.

Yes, please join me in laughter at the clueless 17-year old me.

But once I noticed it, I realized that New Yorker twang didn't fit who I wanted to be anymore. It was more than just a way of speaking; it was a whole identity I'd never questioned before.

Suddenly, I had a choice: keep the accent or reinvent myself.

Next up on my journey? A hop across the pond to London. Talk about a transformation! I went as a single gal with a boyfriend, on a European adventure. I came back as a wife and mother of two.

These experiences fundamentally challenged my original approach to parenting.

• Seeing different educational systems made me realize there's more than one way to learn - hello, homeschooling!

• Exposure to diverse lifestyles showed me the importance of balance in family life.

• My travels taught me the value of thinking for myself - a trait I'm determined to instill in my kids.

The golden nugget: Our experiences shape us, but it's our choices that define us.

The Shadow That Gives Life Color

You know, it's funny how death, of all things, can teach us the most about living. This week, I got some sad news about someone I knew passing away suddenly. It hit me hard, not just because of the loss, but because it reminded me of something crucial: our time here is limited.

I'm not afraid of death. Never really have been. But if there's one fear I do have, it's this: wasting the precious time I've been given.

Growing up in New York, I had my fair share of danger calls. Each one was like a neon sign flashing "WAKE UP!" It made me realize that being alive isn't just about having a heartbeat. It's about truly living.

Many people are terrified of dying, and I get it. The unknown can be scary. But here's the thing - that fear often stops them from really living. They play it safe, stick to the sidelines, always waiting for the "right time" that never comes.

Me? I'm more afraid of getting to the end and realizing I didn't use my time, energy, and abilities to their fullest. That I didn't love fiercely enough, didn't take enough chances.

So I choose to let the reality of death light a fire under me.

The Parenting Connection

Think about it - those scary moments in NYC, the culture shock of college, the transformation in London. They all taught me something crucial: resilience isn't just born, it's built. And that's exactly what I'm trying to do with my kids.

Growing up, I saw a lot of negativity. People stuck in cycles of violence, anger, and fear. It would've been easy to fall into that same pattern.

But remember what I said about choosing our evidence?

I decided to take those negative experiences and flip them on their head. Instead of perpetuating cycles of fear, I'm building a family culture of courage and optimism.

Here's how:

1. We acknowledge fears but don't let them control us.

2. We look for the lesson in every setback.

3. We celebrate resilience as much as success.

Every day, we're actively creating a family culture that values growth and bouncing back from challenges.

So, next time life throws you a curveball (as it does), pause for a moment. Ask yourself: "What evidence am I choosing to see here? And is that evidence serving me and my family?"

The story you tell yourself about your life becomes your life. Make it a good one.

Kids are like sponges, right? They're always watching, always learning. So let's give them something worth absorbing.

• When you face a setback, narrate your thought process out loud. Let them see how you choose to interpret challenges.

• Encourage them to look for the lesson in their own struggles.

Because at the end of the day, the greatest gift we can give our kids isn't protection from the world's challenges. It's the confidence and skills to face those challenges head-on.

Key Takeaways:

1. Start paying attention to the "evidence" around you. Your experiences, your challenges, your triumphs - they're all telling you something.

2. Once you recognize the evidence, you get to decide what it means. This choice is everything.

3. When faced with a challenge, ask yourself: What if this isn't happening to me, but for me?

4. Let your kids see how you choose to interpret challenges. Encourage them to look for the lesson in their own struggles.

Want to put this into practice? Here's what you can do:

A. Reflect on personal "evidence" and its impact B. Challenge yourself to reframe a negative experience C. Share your story of transformation

Remember, we're all in this together. Your story could be exactly what another parent needs to hear right now.