Why Easy Wins Are Holding You Back

_{The Cost of Convenience: Nurturing Resilience in a Coddled World}

Growing up, my education wasn't just about what happened in school. No, the real lessons were happening right at home, courtesy of my mother.

Whenever I hit a wall with a word, struggling to spell it or wrap my mind around its meaning, my mother didn't just hand over the answers. She'd point me to the dictionary, telling me to "sound it out" or "look it up."

Trust me, there were times I was anything but thankful for that push. But what she was teaching me was priceless: the power of seeking out answers for myself and not shying away from a little struggle. This wasn't just about loading my brain with facts; it was about grooming me to stand on my own two feet, resilient and self-accountable.

Taking Ownership of Education

Looking back, my mother was doing more than just stepping back; she was handing me the reins to my learning journey. She was showing me how to not just lean on my smarts but to push them, to dig deeper, on my own before asking for help.

Sure, it might have taken me longer to get there, but this was less about the quick win and more about knowing how to find my way. It's a slight shift, but it makes a difference: it's less about what you know and more about knowing how to piece it all together.

The Race to "Know"

Now, compare this with how things often go down today. It seems like there's this rush to "know" stuff, skipping over the gritty process it takes to really understand something. It's all about quick answers.

I've watched it happen as a parent many times— I witness parents spell out words for their child the moment their child shows even the smallest sign of struggle. Some have even said “it's to keep their child from getting turned off by learning”, but I can't help but think we're missing the mark here.

The pain of gain versus the sting of suffering

On one side, we've got the hard work and challenges that are the bread and butter of growth. On the flip side, there’s the hurt we feel when we go overboard trying to shield our kids, or even ourselves, from every little discomfort.

This week, I'm discussing something that's been heavy on my heart: this whole culture of coddling. It feels like we’re on a mission to raise folks who crumble at the slightest challenge.

Now, I hear you—our hearts are in the right place. We’re all about safeguarding that self-esteem, making sure everyone's feeling good and staying strong.

But, this might just be setting us—and especially our kids—up for an even tougher tumble down the line.

It’s like we’re getting them ready for the big leagues without ever letting them face a real pitch.

How's that supposed to work?

We're taking a look at why facing challenges head-on is necessary, not just for our own growth but ESPECIALLY for our kids'. It's about understanding that the grind, the struggle, it molds a resilience in us that easy street just can’t.

The Pain of Gain vs. The Sting of Suffering

When I was expecting my first daughter 14 years ago, I made a conscious choice for a natural labor without pain medication. Even back then, and still today, there's this big push towards C-sections, with many opting for a "planned C-section" without any medical necessity. Women have been led to become so scared of the pain that comes with labor, without really understanding what that pain signifies.

Pain Is Information

Let's talk about labor pains for a sec. Pain, in its essence, is information. It's our body's way of communicating, telling us something important. In the context of labor, pain alerts us to:

The Progress of Labor: It helps us gauge how far along we are.

When to Push: Without the sensation of pain, how do we know the right moments to exert effort?

Our Body's Limits: Pain signals us to adjust our position or method to what's best for our body and baby.

Contrast this with the aftermath of a C-section. Many don't realize the lengthy and often more complicated recovery that follows, compared to vaginal birth.

Even in vaginal births, the choice of an epidural to "push without pain" can lead to its own set of challenges. Without the guiding sensation of pain, many women experience tearing or, ironically, end up needing a C-section because labor becomes more difficult without those natural, pain-informed cues.

The Pain of Gain

Choosing natural labor, for me, was about embracing the pain of gain. It was about understanding that this pain wasn't just an obstacle but an important part of the journey—a guide, even. This kind of pain comes with the territory of growth and achievement. It's the body's way of participating actively in the birthing process, a rite of passage that is literally as old as humanity itself.

The Sting of Suffering

On the flip side, the sting of suffering often comes from trying to sidestep the natural process, from avoiding the pain that comes with growth. It's about short-term relief at the cost of potentially longer-term challenges.

In the context of childbirth, opting for interventions without medical necessity, while it may seem to offer a way out of the pain, can lead to a more complicated recovery and, in some cases, rob the experience of its depth and meaning.

Now, don't get it twisted. This isn't about judging choices; it's about bringing to light the power and purpose behind the pain of gain. Whether it's birthing a child, pushing through a personal challenge, or overcoming a hurdle, that pain is more than just a signal—it's a companion through the journey of growth. It reminds us that we're alive, we're fighting, and we're transcending our limits.

In life, just as in labor, the pain that accompanies growth is invaluable. It tells us when to push, how to move, and even when to breathe. So, as we face our own "labors," remember the difference between dealing with the pain of gain for the sake of something truly worth it and suffering the sting of avoiding growth.

The former shapes us, molds us, and leaves us stronger in its wake. The latter? Well, it just leaves a sting.

Just like a seed needs to fight its way out of the shell, through the dark, and into the light, we too need our share of battles to truly grow. It's not just about getting to the end; it's about what we become along the way.

Victory in the Struggle: That first push a seed makes through the soil? That's its badge of resilience and determination. Our own challenges – whether it's facing fears, untangling relationships, or picking up a new skill – they're not just hurdles. They're our chance to dig deep, find our strength, and truly evolve.

The Illusion of Ease

Now, in today's world, there's this tempting belief that the easier path is the better one. Like, imagine if we just placed a seed on top of the soil, thinking it'll grow with no effort. Sounds easy, but you don’t need to be a gardening pro to know it's impossible. Growth needs depth, that effort to break free and find the light.

• Why Easy Doesn't Cut It: Skipping the struggle might seem nice, but it leaves us like seeds on the surface – full of potential, but it lays dormant.

• The Real Cost of the Shortcut: When we avoid challenges, we miss out on the experiences that shape us. We risk staying in our little shells, untested and unchanged.

Top Soil vs. Growing Soil

As a gardener and permaculture designer, I know a thing or two about gardening. There's this big difference between buying topsoil and growing your own soil. Topsoil might give you quick, shallow growth, but your ultimate goal should be growing your own soil – that deep, rich, diverse environment – that encourages seeds to stretch their roots deep in search of what they need brewing closer to the core and away from the surface.

• Shallow Growth Ain't It: This whole topsoil vibe, where everything's easy and right there for the taking, it's settling for quick answers without really learning anything. Yes, you might sprout a bit and even get through a season, but without depth? You're not ready for life's real tests after a cold hard and long winter.

• Deep Roots for the Win: Just as the roots of seeds need to reach deep into the earth for water and nutrients, our kids need to learn how to tackle problems head-on, not shy away from them. It's about preparing them for what life throws their way, not just the easy wins.

The Bottom Line

Embracing the struggle isn't just good; it's necessary.

Remember, it's in the depths of the challenge, that we find our true potential.

Nurturing Growth: The Wisdom of the Garden

In my gardening journey, I've embraced a philosophy that's simple:

1. Grow good soil,

2. Use good seeds.

3. Plant them with care.

4. Let time and nature do the majority of the rest.

My approach was always been about finding that perfect balance between nurturing and letting be.

I watered the soil well, enriched it with a bit of organic nutrients, and once it was ready, I planted each seed with intention, whispering, "grow with love."

After planting, I covered the ground with heavy mulch to mimic the natural cover found in forests, creating a self-sustaining mini ecosystem right in my backyard.

Just the Right Amount of Care: Like tending to a garden, raising children or pursuing any growth requires just the right amount of care—too little or too much will hurt the process.

Observing Nature's Balance

When faced with a diseased plant, my immediate reaction, when I was just starting out, was to give it extra attention, which, more often than not, resulted in the plant's demise.

This experience taught me a big lesson about the precious balance of care and interference. It's not about neglect or overprotection but finding that sweet spot where growth is encouraged but not forced.

• The Balance of Care: Giving just the right amount of support encourages resilience and self-reliance, whether in plants or people.

The Organic Growth Principle

Growing my organic garden, taught me the value of patience and consistency. Organic gardens may take longer to establish, but I found they yielded a more consistent and manageable harvest throughout the season.

Adapting to the Environment

One of the main things I noticed was how my garden adapted to its environment. The mulch I used kept in moisture, including during droughts, and protected the plants during heavy rain. This adaptability meant that, even in the worst weather, my garden thrived.

• Resilience Through Adaptability: Just like plants adapting to their environment, we can also thrive through life's challenges. We can learn to adapt and find protection by being prepared.

Harvesting and Sharing

By mid-season, my garden was so abundant that I'd start thinning it out, sharing the excess with friends and family.

This act of sharing not only prevented waste but also spread the joy of growth. It taught me that abundance is meant to be shared, and in doing so, we not only nurture our community but we also encourage a culture of generosity and support.

• The more we give, the more we grow: Sharing our abundance, whether it's knowledge, love, or literal fruits of our labor, enriches our communities and our own lives.

Incorporating these Lessons

Reflecting on the wisdom of the garden, you can apply these principles to your life and the way you nurture those around you.

There's so much you can learn from the simple act of tending to a garden.

• Finding Balance: Seek the sweet spot in care and independence.

• Embrace Steady Growth: Value consistency and patience over quick fixes.

• Adapt and Thrive: Learn resilience by adapting to life's challenges.

• Share Your Abundance: Generosity enriches both giver and receiver.

Parenting with a Gardener’s Touch

Just like in my garden, my approach to parenting is pretty much the same. I see my role as providing a space for growth, sprinkling in experiences in a supportive environment that challenge my daughters to stretch their abilities and find their own strength over time.

My kids know the drill by now. "Sound it out," I'll say, and they do, to the point where they hardly ask for answers anymore on things they know they ought to try on their own. As homeschoolers, they've become masters of self-direction.

Take my oldest daughter. She signed up for an online sewing class and quickly noticed she was the only one turning in her projects every week – and yep, she was the only homeschooler in the group.

She commented a few times “why did they sign up if they're not going to do the work?”

But that's just it, isn't it?

So many get caught up in the idea of learning or doing something new. You think the value is in “the signing up,” the having access, not necessarily the doing or creating. The moment it stretches us out of your comfort zone you find a way to bale.

The Pitfalls of Access Without Action

It's an interesting world we have now. We have access to so much but end up making good use of so little of it. This type of lifestyle doesn't just stall our evolution; it actively weighs us down. Here’s why hoarding knowledge without applying it hurts our growth:

1. Lack of Application: Simply put, if we don't use what we learn, that knowledge sits idle. It's like buying a bunch of seeds and never planting them. What's the point?

2. Missed Opportunities for Growth: Every course or challenge you take on and don't follow through with is a missed chance to stretch yourself, to grow beyond your current confines.

3. Overwhelm and Stagnation: When you collect and collect without giving yourself the space to absorb and create, you end up overwhelmed. You can’t move forward when you're buried under the weight of all you've collected but not used.

4. Diminished Self-Directedness: The habit of starting without finishing weakens your ability to drive your own learning and growth. Over time, you become less likely to commit to and complete new challenges.

Parenting for Growth

So, how do you steer yourself and your children through this cluttered landscape? How do you make sure you all prioritize the well-doing, the creating, the giving value, more than the mere having?

• Encourage Self-Direction: Just like my daughter in her sewing class, I encourage them to set their own goals and follow through.

• Value the Process: I celebrate the effort, the attempt, even more than the outcome. It's all about embracing the journey.

• Teach by Example: They see me pursuing my passions, wrestling with my own challenges, and they learn that growth is an active, ongoing process.

• Foster Independence: "Sound it out" isn't just about reading; it's a metaphor for tackling life. I guide them toward finding their own answers and solutions.

Our children, like homegrown gardens, thrive under a watchful but not overbearing eye. They need space to stretch, struggle, and ultimately, stand strong on their own.

Embracing the pinch of pain is acknowledging that the journey through the soil—the darkness, the resistance, and the uncertainty—is not a detour from growth but a defining part of it.

A seed must push through the pressure of the earth above to break free and grow toward the light. You have to face challenges head-on to strengthen your character and foster independence. This kind of assignment does come with many uncomfortable moments, and how you deal with them is where the real growth occurs.

Finding the Sweet Spot: Embracing Effort Without Overdoing It

Alright, let me be clear: I'm not out here saying life has got to be hard to be worth it. But sometimes pushing ourselves a bit more is exactly where the magic happens. But it's not about going to extremes.

Pain isn't about punishment; it's about information.

It's guiding us, telling us

1. When to push

2. When to pivot

3. When to pause

   How to Navigate the Pinch of Pain

When you're feeling that pinch, that discomfort that comes with growth and challenge, how do you know it's the right kind of pain?

And more importantly, how do you make sure you're not just getting hooked on the challenge itself, missing the point of the why behind it?

1. Purpose Over Pain: Look for ways to line up your challenges with your goals. The aim is growth, learning, and moving forward, not just struggle for the sake of struggle.

2. Listen to the Pain: It's giving you clues. Is it a sign you're stretching and growing, or a red flag that you're headed off track?

3. The Bridge, Not the Destination: Remember, challenges are bridges to our goals, not places to set up camp. If you find yourself battling the same winds without progress, it might be time to reassess.

Knowing When It's Too Much

More often than not, we're guilty of overdoing the "not doing" – letting opportunities for growth pass us by. But for those moments when you do push the envelope a bit too far, here's a quick guide to check in with yourself:

• Check Your Well-being: Are you physically or emotionally drained? Your body and mind will tell you when it's time to ease up.

• Assess Your Progress: Constant challenge without progress can be a sign you're stuck on the bridge. Are you moving towards your goals, or are you running in place?

• Seek Balance: Life's a mix of push and ease. Make sure you're balancing the hard work with moments of rest, reflection, and joy.

• Reconnect with Your 'Why': If the challenge has lost its meaning, reconnect with why you started. It might be time to adjust your approach or set new goals.

The Art of Balanced Growth

So, here's the takeaway: pushing ourselves, stepping into the discomfort – it's all part of the growth process. But it's about striking that balance, finding that sweet spot where we're challenged but not overwhelmed.

Pain, in its role as a teacher, informs you, nudges you, and sometimes, yes, it tests you. But at the end of the day, it's all about using that information to grow, to evolve, and to move closer to your best self.

• Embrace Effort, Not Extremes: A little more effort can lead to big rewards, but remember, balance is key.

• Pain as Information, Not Punishment: Listen to what discomfort is teaching you, and use it to guide your growth journey.

Don’t shy away from a little push, and a bit of effort, because many times, that's where you find your greatest strengths and your most rewarding achievements.

Remember, the goal isn't to stay on the bridge, battling indefinitely. It's to navigate through, learn, grow, and eventually, make it to the other side, enriched by the journey and ready for whatever comes next.

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