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- Free Will Isn’t About Making Choices
"Free will isn’t about making choices—it’s about making new ones. Same mind, same results. Upgrade the system, and the choices upgrade themselves."
On the outside, it probably looked like my family was just digital nomading around the world; hopping from one beautiful place to the next, soaking up sunshine, living the dream.
And honestly? We loved Bali. The culture, the warmth, the slower pace of life. It was everything we thought we wanted.
But behind the scenes, my health was deteriorating.
Mold exposure crept into my lungs, and no matter how much I detoxed, adjusted my diet, or tried different holistic treatments, progress was painfully slow. My body was telling me something, and at some point, I had to listen.
We had a choice: stay where it was “comfortable” or make the hard decision to leave.
And that’s just it, most people stay where they’re comfortable, even when it’s hurting them.
I could have convinced myself to push through, to ignore the symptoms, to just deal with it. But would that have actually healed me? No.
As much as we loved the sunshine and warm weather, I had to face the truth: fair weather isn’t really fair when it’s wrecking your health.
Most people won’t make an “uncomfortable” choice, even if it will actually make life better in the long run. Because it requires trusting a result you can’t see yet.
But this isn’t just about moving countries. It’s about how we make choices in every area of life.
Comfort vs. Growth: The Real Choice We Keep Avoiding
Most people think they’re making choices. But in reality, they’re just repeating old ones.
We tell ourselves, “This is fine. It’s not that bad. I’ll just push through.”
Because staying put—whether in a place, a mindset, or a routine—feels easier than facing the unknown.
I saw this firsthand with my health in Bali. But I see it happening everywhere.
We stick with what’s familiar, even when it’s failing us, because familiarity is easier than uncertainty.
We convince ourselves we’re making a “choice,” but really, we’re just avoiding the discomfort of change.
The irony?
The longer we avoid discomfort, the bigger the discomfort grows.
The Bali Everyone Sees vs. The Bali I Lived
At first, Bali felt like paradise. The slow mornings, the sunshine, the fresh fruit stands on every corner. It was everything we wanted—for a while.
But then reality started creeping in.
The air—thick with the smoke of burning garbage that never stopped.
The fields—sprayed with pesticides while people walked barefoot past them.
The roads—once peaceful, now filling with relentless traffic as the world opened back up post-2022.
At first, I did what I’d always done—I tolerated it.
I had grown up in New York City, where sensory overload was just part of life. As a kid, I tolerated it.
As a young adult, I partied in it. The chaos was exhilarating. Until it wasn’t.
In my mid-20s, something in me finally said, enough is enough.
And here I was, 20 years later, on the other side of the world, feeling that same familiar buzzing energy that once fueled me but now drained me.
That’s the thing about patterns: if you’re not paying attention, they repeat.
At first, my old New Yorker instincts kicked in.
I desensitized. I brushed it off. I convinced myself it wasn’t a big deal.
But then came the mold exposure.
The burning in my lungs.
The exhaustion that wouldn’t go away.
I couldn’t ignore it anymore.
How many people are ignoring the screaming inside of them, longing for a new move?
How many people are numbing themselves to the thing they know isn’t right anymore?
That’s what keeps people stuck. Not a lack of options, but an unwillingness to feel what they already know deep down.
Once you know, you know. And it doesn’t go away.
If you try to ignore it, it doesn’t get quieter. It gets louder.
The Hardest Part? Walking Away from What’s Almost Good Enough
That’s what makes new choices so hard.
It’s easy to leave something that’s obviously bad for you.
It’s much harder to walk away from something that’s almost right.
Bali wasn’t a nightmare. It was beautiful. Our family was happy.
But I was deteriorating.
And it made me think, how many people stay in an “almost” situation because it’s easier than facing what needs to change?
I see this everywhere:
In health:
People suppress symptoms instead of making the deeper changes that would actually heal them.
(It’s like taking a cough suppressant for mold exposure. It might stop the discomfort, but it doesn’t remove the problem.)
They stay in cycles of just managing, never actually healing.
In relationships:
People tolerate friendships, marriages, or work dynamics that are “fine” but draining them.
They assume “this is just how it is” instead of asking, “what if there’s something better?”
In parenting:
People react to their child’s struggles without actually rethinking the system.
(Telling a kid “you’re beautiful” isn’t the same as helping them build unshakable self-worth.)
They hope their child will "grow out of it" instead of changing the way they nurture confidence.
In education:
People assume homeschooling is just about rejecting school. But if you’re really doing it right, it’s not about rejecting, it’s about rebuilding.
Homeschooling isn’t the absence of school. It’s the presence of something more tailored, more intentional.
If you do it right, it’s not just about opting out. It’s about designing something better.
And this is exactly what I realized when I wrote my Because I Am series.
What Do You Do When You See the Problem?
I saw kids struggling with identity, confidence, and self-worth, and this was as sickening to witness as what was happening inside my own lungs.
Just like I had two choices with my health; suppress the symptoms or change my environment.
I had two choices with what I saw in kids:
Ignore it. Assume it’s just how things are, hope they grow out of it.
Do something about it. Create something that actually shifts the conversation.
And the truth is, most people take the first option, not because they don’t care, but because change feels overwhelming.
This is why so many parents feel trapped when they see their child struggling with self-worth.
This is why so many people stay in patterns that are exhausting them.
They assume they can’t do anything about it.
They think change requires an amount of effort they don’t have.
They believe they’re not the ones who can shift the conversation.
But change doesn’t always start with huge action. It starts with a new decision.
Before I wrote Because I Am, I didn’t have a master plan.
I wasn’t a psychologist. I wasn’t an expert in children’s self-esteem.
But I saw a problem, and I knew I had to start somewhere.
And that’s the real issue.
Most people aren’t willing to start when they don’t have all the answers.
They think, “If I don’t know how to solve the whole problem, I might as well do nothing.”
But transformation doesn’t work like that.
It works like this:
You make a different decision.
You take the next step.
Then the next.
And over time, you realize you just built something completely new.
This is the pattern of every major shift in life.
The difference between people who stay stuck and people who change isn’t that the second group had a perfect plan.
It’s that they made a new choice and committed to figuring it out.
Real freedom isn’t just about rejecting control. It’s about making better choices.
And better choices don’t come from the same mindset that created the problem in the first place.
How This Applies to Everything: The Pattern You Can’t Ignore
Once you see it, you can’t unsee it.
This pattern, the moment where you realize something isn’t working, but staying put feels easier than making a new move. It doesn’t just show up in one area of life.
It’s everywhere.
At first, you brush it off.
You think, maybe I’m just imagining things.
Then it gets louder.
That gnawing feeling.
That undeniable truth rising up inside of you.
And you either listen and act or numb yourself to it.
For me, it was mold exposure forcing me to leave a place I enjoyed.
It was the creeping realization that Bali, as much as I wanted it to be “home”, wasn’t right for me anymore.
But for you, it might be something else.
A job you know you’ve outgrown, but you’re scared to walk away from the stability.
A relationship that’s not bad, but deep down, you know it’s not right.
A health issue you’ve been managing instead of healing.
A parenting dynamic that’s no longer working, but changing it feels like too much effort.
We all have something we’re ignoring, waiting for it to magically resolve itself.
But the truth? It won’t.
We Stay Stuck in the “Management” Phase Instead of the Breakthrough
People think they’re making choices, but what they’re really doing is managing the same problem differently.
They feel stuck in their careers, so they move companies, but don’t actually change how they work.
They feel unhappy in their relationships, so they set new boundaries, but don’t change the deeper pattern.
They don’t like where they live, so they move, but don’t redefine the life they want to build.
It’s movement, but it’s not real change.
Real change happens when you upgrade the system, not just the strategy.
A lesson from my own health:
For years, I was making what I thought were good choices for my healing. I was taking the best supplements, eating clean, resting, detoxing. But I was still in management mode—treating symptoms, adjusting my environment, trying to get by.
I wasn’t willing to do the uncomfortable thing yet.
I wasn’t ready to admit that I needed to completely change my surroundings.
Until my body forced me to.
And then? Once I finally made the right choice? My body responded instantly.
It wasn’t about how hard I was working to heal. It was about where I was doing the healing from.
And this is true everywhere.
The right decision doesn’t always require more effort.
Sometimes, it just requires you to stop managing the wrong thing.
What’s the Thing You Keep Trying to Manage?
If you feel like you’re working really hard but not seeing the breakthrough ask yourself:
Am I actually solving the problem? Or just adjusting to it?
Am I making new choices? Or just recycling old ones in a different way?
Am I listening to what I already know? Or avoiding the truth because it’s inconvenient?
For me, I see this in parenting all the time.
I hear parents say:
“I keep trying to build my child’s confidence, but nothing is working.”
“I’ve set rules, we have routines, I give affirmations—but they still struggle.”
And my question is always the same:
Are you addressing the real problem? Or are you just managing the surface-level stuff?
That’s why I wrote Because I Am.
I realized that confidence isn’t built by just “telling” kids they’re worthy.
It’s not about more affirmations, more validation, or more praise.
It’s about changing the way they see themselves from the inside out.
I could have taken the easy route.
I could have just kept telling kids, "You’re amazing!" and hoping it would stick.
But instead, I created something that actually rewires the way they think about themselves.
And that? that’s the kind of change that lasts.
This applies to everything.
If you’re stuck in a job cycle, moving around but never feeling fulfilled, maybe the answer isn’t a new job, it’s a new definition of work that actually excites you.
If you keep having the same arguments in your relationship, maybe the answer isn’t more communication, it’s changing the entire foundation of how you relate.
If your child is struggling with confidence, maybe the answer isn’t just encouragement, it’s giving them a new internal framework for self-worth.
The common thread? Stop managing the problem. Get to the root of it.
The Truth That Changes Everything
Most people already know what they need to do.
They don’t need more research.
They don’t need another sign.
They don’t need another excuse to wait.
They already know.
You already know.
And once you know? You can’t unknow it.
The real question is:
Are you going to act on it?
Breaking the Cycle: The Hardest Choice You’ll Ever Make
Once you see the truth, you only have two options: act on it, or suppress it.
There is no in-between.
And the longer you wait, the louder it gets.
I’ve felt it in my own life when my body told me Bali was no longer where I needed to be, when I knew I had to create something new for kids' self-worth, when I realized certain patterns in my life weren’t just going to disappear on their own.
Maybe you feel it too.
That knowing.
That deep sense that something isn’t right, something isn’t working, something has to change.
And yet most people don’t make the change.
Not because they don’t want to.
But because the moment they decide to, their brain fires back with:
“What if this doesn’t work?”
“What if I make the wrong move?”
“What if I regret this?”
“What if I fail?”
And so, instead of listening to that inner knowing, they rationalize staying exactly where they are.
The Cycle of Knowing → Ignoring → Numbing → Regret
Here’s what I’ve seen over and over again:
You feel the knowing. The whisper that something is off. The sense that you need to shift, pivot, or rebuild.
You ignore it. You tell yourself it’s not a big deal. You convince yourself to push through, manage it, or deal with it later.
You numb yourself. You fill the void with distractions; social media, work, Netflix, small talk, productivity, anything to keep your mind from sitting in the discomfort of what you already know.
The discomfort doesn’t go away. In fact, it grows. The problem worsens. Your body starts feeling it. Your energy drops. Your creativity disappears.
Eventually, you look back with regret. You think, “I should have done this sooner.” “I knew all along, why didn’t I listen?”
So many people live in step 3—numbing.
They scroll. They overwork. They distract themselves.
They call it “staying busy” or “keeping things in balance.”
But really, they’re just avoiding the decision they know they need to make.
And you know what’s wild?
Once people finally make the change; the move, the breakup, the career pivot, the hard conversation, they always say the same thing.
"I should have done this sooner."
You Already Have Your Answer, Now What?
The truth is, there is no perfect timing.
Your brain will always try to talk you out of making a move.
You will always be able to find a reason to wait.
But here’s what I’ve learned:
The moment you make the new choice; the real, deep, undeniable choice, everything moves fast.
When I finally admitted Bali wasn’t working? We transitioned seamlessly.
When I stopped managing my health and actually changed my environment? My body responded immediately.
When I took action on Because I Am? It flowed. I didn’t have to fight or force it.
The struggle wasn’t in the change itself.
The struggle was in resisting the change for so long.
This is true in every area of life.
In parenting: The moment you stop trying to “fix” behavior and instead create a better foundation, your child’s self-worth shifts.
In relationships: The moment you stop trying to “make it work” and instead change how you show up, the dynamic changes.
In health: The moment you stop treating symptoms and instead address the real cause, your body heals in ways you never thought possible.
What’s the One Choice You’ve Been Avoiding?
Right now, there is something in your life where you are stuck in management mode instead of transformation mode.
Maybe you’ve been:
Trying to “cope” with something that actually needs to be removed from your life.
Making excuses for why now isn’t the right time to take the next step.
Telling yourself you’re just “being patient” when really, you’re scared to move.
So,
What’s the decision you already know you need to make?
Where have you been repeating the same choices, hoping for different results?
What would happen if, instead of managing your current reality, you changed it completely?
Because at the end of the day, free will isn’t just about making choices.
It’s about making new ones.
And the moment you do?
That’s when everything changes.
📩 Hit reply and tell me — where are you upgrading your system right now?