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- Why you ignore all the signs
I get questioned by people asking how my family and I ended up going fully plant-based. It’s a story that goes deeper than just switching up what’s on our dinner plates. It's a story about intuition, identity, and the sometimes painful process of learning to trust ourselves.
Let me take you back to the dinner table battles with my youngest daughter. Here I am serving up plates piled with what I believed was the best choice for my family—organic, grass-fed meat, ticking all the boxes of what’s considered healthy and ethical. Yet, there she was, my youngest and little one, literally turned off at the sight of meat, pushing it around her plate, and ultimately, spitting it out after each reluctant bite. Year after year, this was our ritual.
But I was knee-deep in the whole food movement, leading a local chapter of the Weston A. Price Foundation. I preached the gospel of raw milk, bone broth, and the importance of good quality animal products in our diets. Yet, here I was, feeling a growing sense of guilt. Not about what I was teaching—no, I believed in the power of whole foods—but because, deep down, something wasn’t resonating with me anymore.
For a year and a half, I found myself increasingly detached from meat and animal products. But how could I, a chapter leader, a big advocate for this lifestyle, turn my back on it? It felt like betraying my identity, betraying the community I had built around me.
All the while, my daughter was showing me what it looked like to stand firm in your truth, to listen to that inner voice that whispers, “This isn’t for you.” She didn’t have the words to articulate why she rejected meat, but she didn’t need them. Her actions spoke volumes, a clear declaration of her intuition, her inner guidance.
Why was it so hard for me to listen to my own voice, to the signs? Why did I allow society, experts, and even the fear of stepping away from an identity I had crafted for myself to dictate my choices?
Here’s the thing many of us have been in this situation and later we’ll say “I totally missed the signs”
But I’ll be the first the be honest.
I hadn’t missed the signs; I had blatantly ignored them. Rejected them, even.
This wasn’t just about diet; it was a lesson in trust. Trusting myself, trusting that inner voice that doesn’t shout or demand attention but gently guides.
I had to confront the reality that in teaching my daughter to eat her meat, I was doing more than just directing her to eat what was on her plate. I was teaching her to distrust that voice within her, the very thing I was struggling to reconnect within myself.
Transitioning to a plant-based lifestyle wasn’t just a dietary change. It was an awakening, a realization that I needed to align my actions with my inner convictions. It was about finally listening to the signs I had long ignored and stepping into a life that resonated with who I truly was—and in doing so, showing my children that their intuition, their inner voice, is their most trustworthy guide.
As we dive into this newsletter, remember: it’s not that we miss the signs. Often, we choose to ignore them, conditioned to distrust ourselves. But it’s never too late to start listening, to start trusting. Let’s explore how to reclaim that trust, not just for ourselves but for our kids, guiding them with our actions and our willingness to listen to the voice within.
You ever wonder why it's so hard to trust ourselves, to really listen to that inner voice?
I have this vivid memory of my youngest at the playground, long before the whole plant-based revelation. She was this tiny thing, barely walking, yet there she was, scaling the mini rock climbing walls designed for kids way older. I remember other parents at the playground, eyes wide, muttering their "be carefuls" in my direction. But you know what? I wasn't scared. I saw her, really saw her—her confidence, her capability. And I let her climb because I trusted her, I knew her limits more than anyone.
Around us, the playground buzzed with the energy of children and the watchful eyes of their parents. As my daughter climbed higher, I noticed the glances and whispers from other parents. Their words, laced with concern and disbelief, floated over to me. "Oh, that makes me so nervous," they'd say, or, "I could never let my child do that!" But when my daughter looked down at me, all she saw was my smile and nod, a silent message of encouragement and trust.
But then, come dinner time, it was a whole different story. There I was, insisting she eats the meat on her plate, meat she clearly didn't want. Despite seeing her so clearly in one moment, why was I so blind the next? Why did I trust her to navigate physical risks but not her own body's signals about food?
Reflecting on this, it's clear that my youngest daughter's natural dislike for meat clashed with my strong push for health and the choices I believed were best for our family. This wasn't just about food; it was about me facing my ego and the fear of admitting that maybe my push for a healthier lifestyle was more about my worries than about what they really needed. Here's a closer look at this:
Ego vs. Intuition:
In my excitement to adopt and share a healthier lifestyle, I ignored the simplest form of health wisdom: intuition. My daughter not wanting meat was a clear message from her body, a message I chose to overlook, picking my researched beliefs over her natural rejection.
The Fear of Being Wrong:
Accepting that my daughter might be right would mean accepting that my hard work could be off track. My whole identity was tied to being the health-savvy parent, so her straightforward, gut choice threatened what I had built.
Protecting the Wrong Thing:
To me, letting her climb and explore seemed less risky than her food choices. I was more okay with "letting her have" those freedoms because they didn't seem to challenge the main goal I had with our health journey.
The Lesson in Knowing Right from Wrong:
Funny enough, in trying to teach my kids about making healthy, informed choices, I missed seeing that skill in action. My daughter was already picking what felt right for her body and spirit, but I was too busy with my plans to notice.
The Fine Line Between Support and Overindulgence
Parenting is like walking a tightrope, where on one side lies the empowering act of entrusting your child with autonomy, and on the other, the potentially disabling habit of enabling. It’s about striking a balance that grows independence while providing the necessary support.
Self-Reflection for Parents
Ask yourself:
Am I doing this out of fear? Fear that if I don’t step in, my child will fail or get hurt?
Or am I genuinely empowering my child, trusting in their ability to navigate their path, even if it means stumbling along the way?
It still hits me hard when I think about my journey and my little girl's outright rejection of meat. It wasn’t just about the food; it was about trusting that inner nudge, that instinctual 'nope' she had. And wow, did I struggle to respect that because, like many of us, I was stuck in a loop of societal programming that started way before I could even cook a meal, and this is coming from someone who started cooking family meals by the age of 10.
The Dominance of External Voices
Why the Noise Wins
Societal Pressures: We’re taught from a young age to seek approval, to fit in, to follow the path well-traveled. This constant lookout for a nod of approval turns up the volume on those external voices, making it harder to listen to our own, which is also why it can be hard to listen to our children’s voices.
Fear and Doubt Loudspeakers: Fear is a survival mechanism, so it’s no wonder it screams louder than the calm voice telling you to take a leap of faith. Shame and doubt are its backup singers, ensuring you stay in line, even when everything inside you is screaming for change.
Societal Consequences of Ignoring Inner Wisdom
A Culture of Conformity: When society values external approval over individual intuition, it grooms a culture of conformity. This not only stifles creativity and innovation but also discourages individuals from pursuing paths that align with their true selves.
Dependence on External Expertise: While there’s undeniable value in expert advice, an overreliance on it at the expense of personal wisdom leads to a disconnect from your own experiences and knowledge. This dependence shatters self-trust, leaving you feeling powerless and unable to make decisions without external validation.
Loss of Individuality: In a world that often prioritizes fitting in over standing out, ignoring intuition leads to a loss of individuality. When you silence your inner voice, society loses out on the diverse perspectives and ideas that drive progress and understanding.
Key Lessons:
Think About Why You're Doing What You're Doing: It's important to know the difference between what's really best for our kids and what's just us pushing our own wants or fears on them. Are we helping them, or are we putting our unresolved issues on their shoulders?
Listen to Their Wisdom: Kids have a natural sense about what they need and don't need. Respecting this wisdom can lead to them growing up healthier and more able to make their own choices.
Check Your Ego: Make sure you're not just trying to prove something with your parenting. It's okay to change your mind based on new things you learn or what your child naturally leans towards.
Learning is More Than Just Books and Health: Remember that growing up isn't just about schoolwork or eating right. Learning about feelings and listening to our gut is just as key and can help us get a fuller picture of the world.
Talk it Out: Have real talks with your kids about why they choose what they do and why you react the way you do. These chats can really help you understand each other better and build respect.
Turning the Tide
The good news? It’s never too late to start listening to your intuition.
Embracing your intuition encourages personal responsibility, and celebrates the unique paths we each choose to follow.
It’s about creating a society where trusting oneself is seen as a strength, not a weakness, and where each person’s journey is respected as an essential contribution to the greater quality of human experience.
Turning Down the Volume
So, how do we turn down the external noise and tune into our own frequency? How do we show our kids that it’s not just okay to listen to that inner voice, but essential?
Recognize the Noise: First, acknowledge the external pressures for what they are—distractions. Identify when you’re making choices out of fear, seeking approval, or shying away from your truth.
Create Quiet Spaces: Literally and figuratively, find or create quiet spaces where you can listen. Whether it’s meditation, a walk in nature, or just some tech-free time, give yourself the silence needed to hear your own thoughts.
Trust the Process: Learning to trust your intuition is a process. It’s about taking small steps, listening closely, and recognizing when you’re at peace with your decisions. This peace is your inner wisdom’s way of saying, “Yes, this is the way.”
Role Modeling Trust and Intuition
Lead by Example: Our kids watch us. When they see us seeking external validation, they learn to do the same. At the same time, when they see us making decisions from a place of self-trust and peace, they learn that their inner voice has value too.
As parents, our actions speak volumes. Our kids learn not just from what we say but from what we do. When it comes to trusting ourselves and our intuition, it's so important to not talk the talk but walk the walk.
Here’s how you can reconnect with your intuition and become a living example of trust and inner guidance for your children.
Teaching Moments for Your Children
Share Your Stories: Kids love stories, especially about their parents. Share stories of when you trusted your intuition and it led to a positive outcome. It could be as simple as taking a different route to avoid traffic or a major life decision that turned out to be right for you.
Celebrate Intuitive Wins: When a family member makes a decision based on intuition and it works out, celebrate it. It reinforces the message that trusting our inner guide is valuable and can lead to good outcomes.
Model Decision-Making: Let your children see you making decisions based on your intuition. Explain your thought process out loud, including how you weigh your inner feelings with logic and reason. This demystifies the process and shows that intuition and rational thought can coexist.
Dialogue Over Dictation: Have open conversations with your kids about intuition, fear, and making choices. Share your experiences, the times you listened, and the times you wished you had. It’s not about dictating; it’s about sharing the journey.
Assessing Self-Trust Through Parenting Styles
Mirror of Doubt: Your Parenting Reflects Your Inner Beliefs
In our role to protect and guide our children, it’s possible to cross into the realm of overprotection, where our actions speak not of care, but of our own fears and mistrust in our abilities. This isn’t about blaming or shaming; it’s about recognizing patterns that may hinder, not help.
Signs You Might Be Hovering Too Close
Constant Supervision: If you find yourself needing to keep an eye on your child at all times, ask yourself, is it for their safety, or is it a manifestation of your fear?
Decision Making: Are you making all the decisions for your child, from their outfits to their playdates, fearing they might make the 'wrong' choice?
Fear of Failure: Do you swoop in to prevent your child from experiencing failure or disappointment at every turn, depriving them of the learning that comes from mistakes?
Limited Exploration: Is your child's freedom to explore and be curious restricted by a long list of ‘don’ts’ aimed at protecting them from every possible harm?
Anxiety Over Independence: Does the thought of your child doing things independently, like walking to a friend’s house, stir anxiety within you more than a sense of pride in their growth?
The Consequences of Overprotection
Increased Risk of Accidents: Ironically, children who aren’t allowed to explore and test their limits often lack the necessary risk assessment skills, leading to more accidents and even reckless behavior when they do encounter risks.
Dependency: Children raised in overly protective environments may struggle with independence, leaning on others to make decisions and solve problems for them.
Strained Relationships: This style of parenting can lead to resentment and strained relationships, as children, especially as they grow, yearn for autonomy and trust from their parents.
What’s Really at Play?
Isn't our role as a parent to nurture and guide, rather than shield and dictate every step? At the core of overly protective behavior lies, perhaps, an unconscious mistrust in ourselves, a cycle of doubt that we inadvertently pass down.
When our actions aim to cocoon our children from the world, might we actually be mirroring our own fears and insecurities?
It's about finding a balance where they feel supported yet are free to explore, make mistakes, and learn. The aim? To raise individuals who are confident in their capabilities, resilient in challenges, and trust in themselves. This begins with modeling trust in our intuition and decisions, establishing a family dynamic where trust, not fear, prevails.
I firmly believe every child is born with inherent wisdom, yet societal pressures often lead us astray. Remember, this isn't about letting them engage in every whim and fantasy—discernment is necessary. It's not about watching idly by or just sitting on stand-by as “damage control” pulling the emergency brake at the sight of potential danger.
Our job is to protect them like no one else can, understanding where our actions stem from to ensure the outcomes we desire. When things veer off course, having ourselves as a beacon to ask, "Is this the best I can offer?" "Am I guiding or merely guarding?" is vital.
Every challenge your child faces is an opportunity not just for them to learn, but for you to demonstrate trust in their intuitive guidance. Here’s how:
When They Face a Problem: Instead of rushing to solve it, ask them what they feel is the best course of action. This practice encourages them to reflect and practice decision-making
In Moments of Uncertainty: Show them that it’s okay not to have all the answers. Admitting your doubts and discussing them openly teaches that vulnerability is a strength and that intuition can guide us through the unknown.
Affirmation and Validation: Validate your children’s feelings and intuitions. If they express a gut feeling about something, don’t dismiss it. Explore it with them. Affirm their right to listen to their inner voice.
Intuitive Check-ins: Encourage intuitive check-ins during family discussions. Ask your kids how they feel about certain decisions or situations, emphasizing that it’s okay to listen to that inner feeling even if it doesn’t fully make sense yet.
Embracing Vulnerability and Trust
Showing your child that it's okay to rely on their inner voice, even in the face of potential mistakes, is a powerful lesson in trust. It’s about letting them know that they are capable and that their feelings and instincts are valid and valuable guides.
It’s a challenging journey, that requires you to trust yourself as much as you trust them, but it grows a family dynamic rooted in mutual respect, independence, and deep-seated confidence in each member’s abilities.