Stop Paying for Chores: Raising Responsible Kids

I've got two daughters, 13 and 15, and guess what? We don't do allowances for chores. Shocking, I know. But stick with me here.

In a world where everything seems to have a price tag, it's tempting to slap one on household responsibilities too. After all, isn't it preparing kids for the "real world"? Well, I've got news for you: your home is the real world, and it's not a business – it's a community.

Now, don't get me wrong. I'm all for teaching kids about money. Heck, we've even started family businesses together.

But basic household tasks? That's a different situation.

Think about it. Do you get paid to cook your own dinner? To make your own bed? No? Then why are we teaching our kids that contributing to their living space is something they should expect payment for?

By trying to motivate our kids with money for everyday tasks, we might be selling them short. Short on life skills, short on intrinsic motivation, and short on understanding what it really means to be part of a family.

So, if you want to avoid feeling like a ATM every time the living room needs vacuuming, or if you're ready to raise kids who contribute because they're part of the family, not because they're on the payroll, stick around.

I'm about to show you how we can turn our homes from paycheck factories into thriving communities. Trust me, it's a game-changer.

Ready to revolutionize your approach to chores and family responsibilities? Let's dive in.

The Problem with Paying for Chores

Paying kids for basic chores is like handing out participation trophies for breathing. It might feel good in the moment, but we're setting ourselves up for a world of hurt.

Creating Entitlement When you start paying for chores, you're basically telling your kids, "Your contribution only matters if there's cash involved." Fast forward a few years, and you've got a teenager who won't lift a finger unless there's a $20 bill attached to the broom. Congrats! You've just created a mini-mercenary who sees family as a business transaction.

Devaluing Family Contribution Remember when you were a kid and helping out was just... normal? By attaching a price tag to every task, we're sending the message that pitching in isn't about being part of a family – it's about what you can get out of it. It's turning "We're all in this together" into "What's in it for me?"

Setting Low Expectations If you're paying your kid to do the bare minimum, that's exactly what you'll get – the bare minimum. We're not just talking about a messy house here. We're talking about raising adults who think showing up is enough to deserve a reward.

Your Home as a Community

Now, let's flip the script. Instead of running your home like a badly managed temp agency, think of it as a thriving little village. Everyone's got a job to do, and when we all pitch in, magic happens.

Everyone Has a Role In our house, everyone's got a part to play, from the youngest to the oldest. Your 13-year-old? Maybe they are the Laundry Queen. Your 15-year-old? The master of Trash and Recycling. You? I'm the Chief Toilet Scrubber (hey, someone's gotta do it). The point is, everyone's contribution matters, regardless of age or skill level.

Shared Responsibilities This isn't about "helping Mom" or "doing Dad a favor." It's about understanding that a home doesn't run itself. When the kids see me folding laundry or their dad washing dishes, it drives home the point: this is what we do as a family. No one's above any task, and everyone's effort counts.

Mutual Benefits of a Well-Run Home Here's where the magic happens. When everyone pitches in, not only does the house run smoother, but there's more time for the fun stuff. Movie nights aren't postponed because someone forgot to do the dishes. Weekend trips aren't canceled because the house is a disaster zone. A clean, organized home isn't a service we provide – it's a shared outcome we all enjoy.

Remember, folks: in a community, we contribute not because we're paid to, but because we're part of something bigger than ourselves.

And that lesson? It's worth more than any allowance you could ever give.

The Responsibility-Growth Connection

Let's talk about the secret sauce of raising capable, confident kids. It's not about grades, trophies, or how many likes they get on TikTok. It's about responsibility. That unsexy, old-school concept that's been gathering dust in the parenting toolbox.

Building Competence and Confidence

When we give our kids responsibilities, we're not just getting help around the house. We're handing them the keys to their own growth.

Here's how it works:

1. Skill Development: Every time your kid does a chore, they're learning. Sorting laundry? That's categorization skills. Cooking dinner? That's following instructions, measuring, and time management.

2. Problem-Solving Opportunities: When the vacuum cleaner clogs or the recipe goes wrong, guess what? Your kid's brain kicks into high gear, figuring out solutions. That's real-world learning, folks.

3. Sense of Accomplishment: There's a pride that comes from looking at a clean room or a well-set table and thinking, "I did that." It's a confidence booster that no participation trophy can match.

Competence breeds confidence.

The more capable our kids feel, the more willing they are to take on new challenges. It's a beautiful, self-perpetuating cycle.

The Power of Delayed Gratification

Now, let's talk about the superpower that responsibility helps develop: delayed gratification. In a world of instant likes and next-day delivery, this skill is more crucial than ever.

When kids do chores without immediate reward, they're flexing their delayed gratification muscles. They're learning that:

• Good things come to those who apply themselves

• Effort now can lead to benefits later

• Personal satisfaction can be its own reward

A Stanford study showed that children who could delay gratification were more likely to have higher SAT scores, lower levels of substance abuse, and better social skills later in life.

By not paying for chores, we're actually setting our kids up for long-term success. Who knew making your bed could be so powerful?

Developing Intrinsic Motivation

Here's where things get really interesting. When we stop bribing our kids to do chores, we open the door to something magical: intrinsic motivation.

Intrinsic motivation is the drive to do something because it's personally rewarding, not because of an external reward or pressure. It's the holy grail of personal development.

How do we nurture this?

1. Emphasize the 'Why': Explain why tasks are important. "We clean the kitchen so we have a healthy place to prepare food."

2. Celebrate Effort: Instead of praising the result, praise the work that went into it. "I saw how hard you worked on organizing the garage. That took real perseverance!"

3. Model Intrinsic Motivation: Let your kids see you doing tasks because they need doing, not for reward or recognition.

4. Offer Choices: Within the realm of their responsibilities, let kids have some control. "Would you rather vacuum or dust today?"

The result? Kids who do things because they see the value, not because there's a dollar sign attached.

Balancing Responsibility and Entrepreneurship

Now, I can hear some of you thinking, "But wait, aren't we supposed to teach our kids about money?" Absolutely! This is where the magic of balancing responsibility with entrepreneurship comes in.

In our family, we've taken this to heart with our Tiny Green Chef program. It's a plant-based cooking show we created with our daughters, Kaja and Kamilla, when they were just 7 and 9 years old.

This wasn't a chore. It was a family business venture. The girls weren't paid to participate – it was part of our family project. But as the business grew, so did the opportunities for them to earn.

Distinguishing Basic Responsibilities from Value-Added Work

This is crucial, folks. There's a clear line between:

1. Basic Responsibilities: These are the tasks that come with being part of the family. Making your bed, doing dishes, taking out trash – these aren't paid gigs.

2. Value-Added Work: This is where entrepreneurship comes in. It's about going above and beyond, creating something new, or significantly improving something existing.

By making this distinction clear, we teach our kids that:

• Being part of a family means contributing without expectation of payment

• There are opportunities to earn money by creating additional value

Kaja and Kamilla's "Raise" Negotiation

Let me share a real-life example that illustrates this balance.

As Tiny Green Chef started to take off and generate income, Kaja and Kamilla (then about 10 and 12) came to us with a demand: they wanted a bigger percentage of the earnings.

Now, this could have gone two ways:

1. We could have shut it down, saying, "This is a family business, be grateful for what you get."

2. We could have caved and given them more money without any additional effort on their part.

Instead, we saw this as a teachable moment. We presented them with two options:

1. Take on Marketing Work: They could either do marketing work themselves or split the work with our social media person. This would justify a raise as they'd be taking on additional responsibilities.

2. Create an Upsell Course: They could develop a new product to generate additional income, which would be entirely theirs.

The "5 Easy After School Snacks" Project

The girls chose option 2. They created a mini-course called "5 Easy After School Snacks" which was offered as an upsell at checkout for Tiny Green Chef.

Here's what happened:

• They brainstormed snack ideas

• Planned and filmed the videos (without me in them)

• Helped design the course structure

While I assisted with some of the design work, I didn't take a cut of the earnings. Why? Because this was their value-added project. They had identified a market need, created a product, and were now reaping the rewards.

The Results

1. Financial Reward: The girls saw a direct correlation between their extra effort and their earnings.

2. Entrepreneurial Spirit: They learned about product development, market demand, and upselling.

3. Pride in Creation: This wasn't just about money – they beamed with pride at having created something entirely their own.

4. Real-World Skills: From planning to execution, they gained practical skills that no allowance could teach.

The Bigger Picture

This experience taught our girls several invaluable lessons:

• Money follows value creation: They learned that to earn more, you need to create more value.

• Initiative pays off: They saw firsthand that taking initiative leads to opportunities.

• Entrepreneurial thinking: They started to view problems as potential business opportunities.

Most importantly, they understood the difference between contributing to the family business (Tiny Green Chef) and creating their own value-added project (the snack course).

Balancing Act

The key here is balance. We're not turning our homes into mini-corporations where everything has a price tag. Instead, we're:

1. Maintaining clear expectations for family contributions

2. Fostering an entrepreneurial mindset

3. Providing opportunities for earning through value creation

By doing this, we're raising kids who understand both responsibility and opportunity. They know what it means to be part of a family and a community, while also developing the skills to thrive in the business world.

Remember, folks: Our goal isn't to raise good employees. It's to raise capable, responsible adults who can navigate both family life and the professional world with confidence and creativity.

Practical Steps for Parents

Alright, how do we actually implement this balanced approach of responsibility and entrepreneurship?

1. Establishing Clear Expectations for Household Contributions

This is your foundation. Without clear expectations, you're building a house on sand.

• Create a Chore Chart: List out all the tasks that need to be done to keep your home running smoothly. This visual aid helps everyone see their role in the bigger picture.

• Age-Appropriate Tasks: Assign chores based on ability, not just age. Your 6-year-old might surprise you with their dusting skills, while your teen might be ready to tackle the laundry.

• Rotate Responsibilities: This prevents boredom and helps kids develop a range of skills. Plus, it cuts down on the "But I always have to do this!" complaints.

• Set Standards: Be clear about what "done" looks like. A vague "clean your room" can mean very different things to you and your 10-year-old.

2. Involving Children in Family Decision-Making

Want buy-in? Give them a say.

• Family Meetings: Regular family meetings aren't just for sitcoms. Use this time to discuss household needs, upcoming events, and yes, chore distribution.

• Problem-Solving Sessions: When issues arise (and they will), involve your kids in finding solutions. "The dishes aren't getting done. What do you think we should do about this?"

• Feedback Loop: Create an open environment where kids can voice concerns or suggest improvements to the family system.

3. Teaching the Value of Contribution Without Monetary Reward

This is where we shift from a transactional mindset to a community mindset.

• Highlight the Impact: Show how their contributions affect the family. "Because you helped out in the kitchen while I cooked, we had time for movie night."

• Express Genuine Appreciation: A heartfelt "thank you" goes a long way. Be specific about what you're thankful for.

• Share the Benefits: When the house runs smoothly, everyone wins. Make sure to point out these wins and celebrate them as a family.

4. Distinguishing Between Responsibilities and Value-Added Tasks

This is crucial for balancing basic expectations with entrepreneurial opportunities.

• Define the Baseline: Clearly outline what tasks are part of being in the family. These are non-negotiable and unpaid.

• Identify Opportunities: Look for tasks or projects that go beyond basic responsibilities. These could be potential earning opportunities.

• Encourage Proposals: Let your kids come to you with ideas for value-added work. This develops their ability to spot opportunities and pitch ideas.

5. Encouraging Entrepreneurial Thinking for "Extra" Earnings

Here's where we nurture that entrepreneurial spirit.

• Brainstorming Sessions: Have regular discussions about problems that need solving or improvements that could be made - in your home, neighborhood, or beyond.

• Support Their Ventures: Whether it's a lemonade stand or a dog-walking service, show interest and offer guidance (but let them take the lead).

• Teach Basic Business Skills: Use their entrepreneurial projects to introduce concepts like cost, profit, marketing, and customer service.

6. Leading by Example

Remember, kids are always watching. Your actions speak louder than words.

• Model Responsibility: Let them see you doing your part without complaint. Narrate your thought process: "I'm tired, but these dishes need doing. It'll feel good to wake up to a clean kitchen."

• Show Your Own Entrepreneurial Side: Whether it's a side hustle or just finding innovative solutions to household problems, let your kids see your creative problem-solving in action.

• Demonstrate Work Ethic: Show that hard work and perseverance pay off, both in household tasks and in professional endeavors.

Addressing Common Concerns

Now, I can hear the wheels turning. You've got questions, concerns, maybe even some doubts. Let's tackle the big ones head-on.

"But How Will They Learn About Money?"

I get it. Money management is a crucial life skill. But here's the thing: paying for chores doesn't teach financial literacy. It teaches that money comes easily for doing the bare minimum.

Instead, try this:

• Give them a Basic Allowance: This isn't tied to chores but can be used to teach budgeting, saving, and spending wisely.

• Encourage Entrepreneurship: As we discussed, let them earn extra through value-added work. This teaches the relationship between effort and reward.

• Involve Them in Family Finances: Age-appropriately, of course. Let them see how household budgeting works, how bills are paid, and how financial decisions are made.

"What About Motivation?"

Ah, the age-old question. How do we get kids to do what needs doing without dangling a carrot?

• Intrinsic Motivation is Key: Remember, we're playing the long game here. We want kids who do things because they understand the value, not because they're being bribed.

• Make it Engaging: Turn chores into games, challenges, or races against the clock. Who says responsibility can't be fun?

• Emphasize Teamwork: Foster a "we're all in this together" mentality. Your family is a team, and everyone plays a crucial role.

• Recognize Effort: Praise the process, not just the result. "I saw how hard you worked on organizing the garage. That took real perseverance!"

"Isn't This Preparing Them for the Real World?"

I hear you. The real world runs on money, right? Well, yes and no.

• The Real World Values Initiative: By not paying for basic tasks, we're teaching kids to contribute without constant external rewards - a highly valued trait in any workplace.

• It's About Balance: We're not saying never pay your kids. We're teaching them to distinguish between basic responsibilities and value-added work.

• Life Skills Matter: The real world needs people who can manage a household, work in a team, and show up reliably - all skills they're learning through unpaid household contributions.

• Entrepreneurial Thinking is the Future: By encouraging kids to find ways to add value for extra earnings, we're preparing them for an ever-changing job market where innovation is key.

Remember, parents, we're not just raising kids - we're raising future adults. By balancing responsibility with opportunity, we're equipping them with the skills, mindset, and work ethic they need to thrive in the real world.

So, the next time you're tempted to slip your kid a five-spot for taking out the trash, pause. Ask yourself: Am I paying for a chore, or am I investing in their future? Because trust me, the lessons they learn from contributing to the family will pay dividends long after that five dollars is spent.